Today is Sunday. I got to went to Sunday school and church. The D’s picked me up. Dady sed his hed hurt. He fell down drunk last night. He went to drink with Pete C and when Pete C bot [brought] dady home we tried to git him to bed. Dady nocked me down. I hav a black nose and eye. My lip was bleding. Mrs. D asked if I fell off my horse, I sed I did because dady and momy be sad if I tell on them and be mad to.
I had fun in Sunday school. Mrs. S says we are goin to hav a contest. Who wins first will get a new bible at the end. I am gona win!
I got 3 gold stars. One for being quite [quiet]. One for singing loud and one for just becuz. Mrs. S is nice. tomarow is the first day of Bible school.
“I got to go to firwurks. Dady did not take me, but the D family did. They cum hear to ride horses and Mrs. D is nice. She sed she wood take me, and dady sed he was tird. Mr. Davis bot me a cheesburgur and a pop. The firwurks weer loud. Cheryl and I plaid hide and seek and catch firflys, It was fun. Mrs. D sed she is wurking at Bible school next week, if momy and dady seys I can go, she will pick me up. Dady sed he dont care and momy is in the city, so I can go. Mr. D sed they will pick me up for church in the morning to. I hope I can go. I dont want to ride the bus to Pastor HD church. Momy is not home, so mabe dady will milk the cows for me. Oh plese let me go to this church, i like pastor R. He is a granpa of 12 kids.Pastor R grandkid S plays nice and we are frends. People are nice to me at this church to. I dont want to go to HD church, they are snobs, and make fun of me. I dont have nic cloths and they call me Stinky Poop. Everybuddy at Pastor HD church has nice cloths and Pasotor HD sez for girls to go to heven they have to wear dresses. I only have a few school dresses and momy will be mad if they get messy. Even pastor HD boy A laughs at me and he is a big boy. He wurked for momy on farm hear balen hay, and she got mad at me fur playing with puppy Tico and momy said I was been lazy, momy thew me in the cow poop pile. A laffed. He laffes when I cry to. A is a meen big boy. He is a bully to. I hope he falls in cow poop. He tells everybuddy and he is the one he startid calling me Stinky Poop. Why did he tell everybuddy? I hate that church and him. Wen pastor HD smiles at me, he looks like he laff, I gess he thinks Stinky Poop is funy to. I am sad and dont want to be Stinky Poop and dont ever want to go to HD church agen or to school at HD church.”
I am writing about two different churches in the above entry. Pastor “HD” church is an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. The church also has a Christian School associated with the church where I went to school. Pastor HD church taught that women were never to wear pants if they were what they considered “real Christian’s.” Going to movies, listening to rock music, as well as a long list of other things were also forbidden. Pastor HD’s two son’s worked for “mommy” one summer as temporary farm hands. One of his son’s, “A” went on to be a pastor also, used to make fun of me. He still likes to tell the story as if I was playing in the manure pile. I was not playing, “mommy” threw me in the manure pile. He knows this because I confronted him about bringing it up recently. He has not brought it up since. As the story goes on you will see how the HD family become more involved. Pastor HD’s church had a bus ministry patterned after Jack Hyles First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana.http://www.fbchammond.com/ Dr. Jack Hyles was the president of Hyles-Anderson college during this time. Dr. Hyles by the time of his death was notorious for sexual impropriety as well as covering up sexual abuse and assault within his ministry. See this blog by Jeri Massi in which she has documented Dr. Hyles, his son Dave Hyles and abuses in Hyles associated churches throughout the United States in detail. http://jeriwho.net/lillypad2/
The church I am going to here in this post is considered “liberal” and “apostate” by Pastor HD at the time. “Liberal” meaning I did not have to wear a skirt to Bible School. It was a Baptist church with no difference in doctrine, but the dress and personal standards mattered more to pastor HD than it did to pastor R. Pastor R was a much older man than Pastor HD.
Pasor R would have appreciated this video. Pastor HD focused (and still does) on the works part (dress, etc) and missed the point of Jesus’ grace.
Today is July 4th. I hope I get to go see firwurks tonite. I Hope dady does not start to drunk. He promised he wont today.
Last night momy got mad again and locked me out of the house again. She was mad because I broke a dish washing it after supper. She told me to sleep in the barn with the animals. Dady was drunk and fell asleep. He says his head hurts. If I am realy good and quiet he will take me to see firwurks at Montgomery Baptist Church. I want to go. I want to go to bible school, to. I will hide dady wisky in the barn loft so he can’t find it. I like this pastor.
Pastor HD came to see momy. He talks to her. I go to his school but dont like pastor HD or his church.
The prior two posts are excerpts from my diary as a nine year old. At this time I called these two people mommy and daddy. Somehow, even at this very young age, I knew deep down inside neither were really my mom and dad. It was something that was to dangerous to question openly. Eventually, it would become not only a nagging feeling in my young mind to a fact that everyone knew
I lived in absolute squalor, neglect, and abuse on a large farm about 25 miles outside of Philadelphia, PA. The abuse I suffered consisted of severe physical, sexual and emotional abuse, as well as neglect from hunger, education, etc. Little things like being bathed is a horrific memory for me. Having my then long hair brushed or combed rarely happened and it looked as though I had a bird’s nest in my hair. In school not only the other children used to tease me unmercifully, but the teachers at my Christian school did not report any suspicions of neglect.
As an example of what I am speaking about here, “Mommy” would regularly send me to school with no lunch. I also usually did not have breakfast unless I could find something myself. I existed on opening and eating cans of cold vegetables and baked beans. One particular incident that sticks in my mind was I was stealing food from others lunches and had taken a small carton of milk while going through the lunch line. I was so hungry. My ribs were visible. I was taken to the principal’s office at the Christian school, and violently spanked with a wood paddle with holes in it until capillary’s on my behind burst for stealing food. I remember the teacher asking me why I stole the milk and I said, “because I am hungry.” I have the distinct memory of being grabbed by my right wrist and dragged crying to the principal’s office who beat the “sin” out of me.
My name is SS. Today is my birtday. I am 9. I got this direy from Mrs. M for my birthday. She is nice. Mrs. M. say’s I can rite stuff hear. It is blue and has pink flower. I like it very much. I can’t let momy find it cuz she will be mad and reck it.
Dear Mr. Jesis, is my real name really damn kid? 